just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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