using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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