so that wasnt chicken after all
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
