Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
