Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
