everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
