my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we made out on top of his cat.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
