Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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