If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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