if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
