well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
