i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
