I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
