did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
