Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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