i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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