i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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