remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just gift wrapped bread.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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