He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
