Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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