That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
