Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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