I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
