someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
