Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
