I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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