I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
