So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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