So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
