Swine flu. Run for my life!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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