My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
