is your mom at the bar?
In the future we'll all be gay
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
