o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
