dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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