2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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