In the future we'll all be gay
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
