I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
