I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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