why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
