Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
