I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
