I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
