Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
