My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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