i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
