Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry about my life...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
