Dual....:-)
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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