Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
