I didn't shave. On purpose
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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