It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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