Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
