somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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